I left home at the age of 14. I didn’t know it was molestation that was happening in my small town, but I knew whatever it was, wasn’t right and that I needed to get out of there. I knew it was happening to many of the children, and that it shouldn’t be.
In my 20’s another child disclosed the abuse had happened to him too, and that’s when everything broke free. It’s like a huge file of information downloaded into my brain and broke me. I felt like a film was playing over top of my life, and I could see, feel, smell the past all over again. I felt like I was walking around totally naked and exposed.
My parents had become devout Christians when I was still at home. They would try to hide the past and not acknowledge the things that I had gone through or saw. They said I lied and that I made it all up. That I was possessed by the devil and that’s why I was saying those things.
My childhood experiences have never left me. I now suffer from PTSD, Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome, Anxiety/Depression and Dissociative Disorder.
I’ve been hospitalized, been to numerous counsellors, been on medications. I have felt the social injustice of the Mental Health system. It shouldn’t be so hard to ask for help…you shouldn’t have to degrade yourself and hit rock bottom before you can get help.
Things do get better though. One of the biggest things that has helped me is learning about DBT (Dialectic Behavioural Therapy), and re-learning the basics of self care. Water, Rest, proper nutrition. Life needs to be simple.
In the past few years concurred a lot of fears and been more public about my experiences. I’ve run as Yukon Sourdough Rendezvous Queen to fight in the name of Mental Health Awareness. I am a huge advocate of destigmatization and fighting for support for those suffering with their mental health. I knew that if I got to the other side of all this, I needed to help make a change, so that’s what i’m doing.
Mental health issues effect everyone. You’re either a part of a support network, or are in a network that touches someone in someway.
When another child disclosed the abuse happened to him too, it’s like a huge file of information downloaded into my brain and broke me. It’s like a film was playing over top of my life, and I could see, feel, smell the past all over again. I felt like I was walking around totally naked and exposed.